Pelosi to Bush: No Troop Drawdown

“See no evil, hear no evil,” say Democrats

WASHINGTON—The Bush White House was dumbfounded late Thursday evening by Democrats in the House of Representatives, who proved as ambivalent toward the president’s proposal to reduce U.S. forces in Iraq as they were skeptical of the successes Gen. Petraeus described in his report to Congress earlier this week. The White House limited its comment on the issue to signaling the aptness of the Democrats’ popular moniker as “the party of ‘no.’”

Democrats found little to rejoice over in the general’s testimony Monday and Tuesday. The top commander in Iraq told Congress a decrease in insurgent activity has accompanied a rise in coalition forces’ successes. He consequently faced harsh comments from Democrats, including Sen. Hillary Clinton’s (D-N.Y.) remark, “General, you will never fully grasp my great appreciation and awe for your work as a general and my profound respect for you as a man. But your testimony has me convinced that you are a jingo nationalist, and with all due respect I spit upon you.”

Democrats on the Ethics Committee reacted to the general’s report by clamoring for a special prosecutor to investigate allegations that he had “cooked the books” to paint the state of the war in a rosy light. If the Democrats’ request is granted, Petraeus will undergo protracted periods of sleep deprivation and waterboarding to coerce him into divulging the Bush staffer who was the report’s true author. Should that fail, Democrats say the general will begin attending the House Democratic Women’s Caucus’ weekly closed-door cluckfests, provided a subcommittee rules that such would not constitute torture.

Perhaps most peculiar was the stiff Democratic opposition to Bush’s intention to cut troop levels in Iraq to pre-surge levels by next August. House Democrats were united in their criticisms of the plan following the president’s Thursday television address. “Sugarcoating and spin,” said Rep. Lynn Woolsey (D-Calif.) of Bush’s proposal. Rep. Tom Lantos (D-Calif.) stated, “The president says we can bring home some troops, but frankly I don’t buy it. If we’re going to be pulling back, I want to see the Iraqis start meeting some of the benchmarks we set for them.”

Explaining the surprise shift in policy, Speaker Nancy Pelosi snapped, “No. No, no, no. Bush is not getting credit for this one. We’ve worked too long and too hard to convince America that the war is a failure. We will not support a drawdown under these conditions.” Pelosi vowed to use Democrats’ political muscle to sustain current troop levels until the situation deteriorates sufficiently.

But even with some U.S. troops set to return home, it seems unlikely Democrats will find themselves having to tout the surge’s success. As an anonymous House Democrat told us, “Nobody wants to go on national TV and say the surge is working. The expectation is that MSNBC and the New York Times will do it for us. Oh, wait a second, it’ll have to be Fox News for that one.”


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